Golf

Wamboin has a somewhat different golf course where the 18 fairways are spread over four properties and the Bingley Way Community Centre. All putting surfaces on our golf course, except for one carefully manicured green, are sand greens.

On the first Sunday of each month we meet at the Community Hall in Bingley Way (usually at 12.15pm for a 12.30pm start) to sort out the competition. First time golfers and children are welcome to try their skills. We hit off on different holes to ensure a more even finish time.

Then it is back to the Hall where tall stories and presentations are mixed with nibblies and drinks. Partners, friends and relatives of the golfers also join in this social activity.

Contact

Ken Gordon  0455 839 840

April Competition Results

Sunday, 5 April. The day of the Wamboin Mini Masters when we vie for the famous Greenish Jacket. It was a cool and cloudy day, perfect for keeping the ball low. The comp was sponsored by the Wamboin Community Association whom we thank for the prizes and eats prepared by Pete and Barb Harrison. Hoping to make the cut and whispering prayers to the Masters Patron, the Golden Bear, players took to the course.

Back in the club house, as the Captain fed the data into Nev Schroder’s algorithm, we discussed current affairs. Of course the big news was all about Kyle and Jackie ‘O’, whoever they are. As far as your correspondent can gather he’s a radio schlock jock and she’s an astrology-obsessed relative of Aristotle Onassis. Second on the list was Middle Earth – sorry, Middle East - where the Dishonourable MrTrump’s war with Iran is going awfully well (or is that just ‘awful’?). I met my old buddy, Brent Crude, in the Royal the other day. Pointing an accusatory finger at him I said “Brent, what’s going on?” He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said he didn’t really want to raise the oil price but how often do you get a war in the place where most of the stuff is made. ‘Never let a chance go by’ is the oil caper’s motto. He didn’t appear to be worried about being a war profiteer. Naturally the petrol price has jumped, panic has set in and supply is drying. Transport costs are rocketing. The search for alternatives has forced up the price of horses which has increased demand for carts, carriages, reinsmen, ostlers, blacksmiths and farriers. It’s back to the 19th century. Adventure tourism outfit, Gulf Travel, has introduced the ‘Hormuz Cruz’ for thrill seekers. You meet at Ramstein Air Base in Germany and take a C 130 to Dubai where you board a Liberian-registered oil tanker and cruise slowly towards the Qeshm choke point where the real fun starts. If you’re lucky enough to make the open sea you can shred the free will kits. Fortunately it’ll all be over soon according to Truth Social.

Iran’s new Supreme Leader is the son of the old SL. Before you start howling nepotism consider this: close relatives of the Medici occupied the Papacy for years. And they weren’t the only merchant family to regard having a Pope as a good business plan. Henry VIII invented his own religion – alright, he got the idea from Anne Boleyn and Martin Luther - and passed the top job around his supporters. Still, it’s an indication of how far behind the times parts of the Middle East are in some things. The hatred Shia have for Sunnis (and vice versa) is positively medieval. We got over the Catholics v Protestants thing years go in favour of a much more civilized Progressives v Conservatives.

Back home the federal government has banned the hate speech factory Hizb ut Tahrir (known colloquially as ’His Butt’). It has been suggested that cloud factories, otherwise known as data centres, will soon soak up all our water and electricity. We won’t be able to charge our phones to ring Bingleys. They should be located in Northern Australia where they could capture all that storm water. Proud Little David said he’s buggered. True. He’s buggered a lot of things before and since the elections, the Coalition being his best effort. And he has the gall to declare himself the best Country Party leader since Black Jack McEwen. Old George says if you’re going to spread it, spread it deep. It’s somehow dispiriting to think the mob will do better under a man who can’t spell caravan. A US court has found the noisome organisation of Sark Muckerberg, the kiddies’ friend, to have aimed nasty algorithms at pubescent children. Is that worse than war profiteering?

Winners & Grinners

The Captain broke it up by introducing our guests Iain Barter, Graeme Searle and Liv Evans. We gave them a rowdy Wamboin welcome and hope to see them again. Robbie told Ted’s Joke featuring lots of greens under water (where they belong). The googly ball was shared by Liv Evans whose drive hit a stump and was luckily propelled down the fairway; and Vicki Still who came close to a hole-in-one, thus becoming eligible for the dummy spit by complaining about not sinking it. However it was overtaken by Deb Gordon’s breakdown after 2 and half hours of heckling by her son. Ball winners were Sam Urquhart and Graeme Searle and all those who made the cut: Vicki Still, Ken Gordon, Tim Barter, Iain Barter, Craig Purdam, Scott Mason, Andrew Huggett and Robert Thompson. Meat tray winner was Andrew Huggett. The pitching comp was won by Sam Urquhart NTP tyre and bunker from Graeme Searle NTP ramp. The handicap comp winner was Craig Purdam 58/37 OCB from Scott Mason 52/37. The 2026 Wamboin Master was Ken Gordon on 45 strokes from runner-up Vicki Still 51 and Junior Master, Robert Thompson 57. Well done all!

Next month we contest the Merrie Month of May pennant. Join us at 12.15pm on Sunday, 3 May for the 12.30 pm start. Meanwhile, guard your honour.

Larry King, golfer

March Competition Results

Sunday, 1 March. Autumn. A humid day with rain on the horizon. Golfers of this pleasant LGA gathered at the Hall to contest the Mad March Hare Medallion. The day was sponsored by the Schroders and the Whitneys whom we thank for the refreshments and prizes. After they declared that the comp would be determined by stroke adjusted for handicap players, shaking off the Summer dust, took to the course now slowly adopting Autumnal hues.

Back in the club house, as the Captain worked his magic, we gasped at the interesting times our world was experiencing. Mr Trump now has his very own war. The mad mullahs should have done a deal. Most other Arab states accept the reality of Israel and oppose the continuing volatility within the region caused by the rogue theocracy and its terrorist satellites. They might well be happy to see the end of the radical clerical government. But first Iranians must get rid of the Revolutionary Guard and the Council of 88 (or the Crazy 88, as Quentin Tarantino might describe them) who choose the Supreme Leader. Let us not hang by our thumbs waiting until the vainly flapping tinsel wing of hope, to quote old mate John Milton, brings that about. The brain-washed millions may still outnumber the freedom-seeking thousands. If Australia is thinking of joining in we might consider the message sent by the 2IC of Army who has called out the ADF as, in effect, nothing more than a bureaucracy communicating in meaningless post-modern jargon and ill-prepared for war. No wonder the Brereton Report on alleged SAS war crimes in Afghanistan was swallowed whole in the Officers’ Mess as an entrée to the main course of absolving higher-ups of any responsibility for ordering the Regiment to do the heavy lifting as far as actual fighting was concerned.

Your correspondent is not often wrong but I’m wrong again: I predicted that Susssan would hang onto the job until the next election. I didn’t reckon on how keen Anguish was to get his paws on it. I’ll try another prediction (the BOM does it all the time): his right wing and the Country Party won’t let him run with policies that can win back the ‘sensible centre’. Ergo, another three years in the wilderness. That very difficult woman, Grace Tame, got stuck into Elbow for chipping her about her rousing performance at another demo for Palestine. All she was doing was trying to get the crowd to sing that old 60’s song ‘Intifada, Intimada, here I am at Camp Granada’. All quite innocent really. That other difficult woman, Randa Abdel-Fattah, having killed Adelaide Writers Week has now been invited to kill the Sydney Writers Festival. Isn’t it great that our children are now safe from online bullying, trolling, grooming and ‘influenzing’ - as long as they are < 16? This assumes that those 16 and over are adept at judiciously navigating the febrile echo chambers of social media. Let’s hope they can quickly find a vaccine for the ‘nipper virus’. Corporations say they can’t rely on information coming out of the AEMO for making investment decisions. Well, of course not. It’s working on the other side of the ravine to renewables before the bridge of fossils is completed.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain restored order by beating his shoe on the desk (the Krushchev manouvre). He introduced our guest, Craig Purdham. Ted’s Joke featured old golfers getting value out of cart hire fees. The Captains proposal to have meat and vegetable raffles at the 19th hole was accepted. The googly ball went to Vicki Still’s foursome, three of whom chipped in off the green, to record individual scores for that hole of 2(birdie),3(par),4 and 5 – a statistical rarity. Tim Barter scored the dummy spit. He was the one whose chip onto the green didn’t find the cup. He edged out Steve Lambert who played the whole round without losing a ball – until the last hole, causing a breakdown in decorum. LD and NTP ball winners were Col Urquhart, Tim Barter, Vicki Still, John Whitney, Glenn Crafter, Steve Lambert, Jacob Todd and a guy from Norway. Winner of the nine hole comp was Jacob T (brother of Ice?) 58/28 (hmm…) from Tony Bond 40/30 and Haakon Gordon 38/33. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 77/59 from Andrew Huggett 79/60 OCB from Col Urquhart 89/60. Well done, all players!

Next month will be April when we stage the Wamboin Mini Masters. Who will and who won’t make the Cut? There is only one way to find out. Don your Easter bonnets and join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 5 April for the reliable 12.30pm start. Meanwhile, a new book club has formed in Wamboin: the B & B Club. I think one B stands for book. Word is that the first tome to be discussed is Enid Blyton’s 1957 classic, ‘Noddy Pulls It Off’, a work of crime fiction in which Big Ears (no, not Dr Prince Chalmers) is kidnapped by terrorists.

Larry King, golfer

February Competition Results

Sunday, 1 February dawned a pleasantly cool morning after the searing heat of previous days. Would it hold for the afternoon’s Desiccation Pennant, we hoped? You bet it did. The day was sponsored by the Gordon and Bailey families whom we thank for the prizes and refreshments. They called for play to be determined by the Staple Foot system. And so it was.

Back in the shelter shed, as the Captain struggled to translate the stuttered Sanskrit of our scorecards, we conned our world. We are to have a Royal Commission on the Bondi atrocity. The central issue will be ‘hate speech’. The following parable will show the struggle of Laocoon proportions in coming to grips with hate speech: in a Five Nations game legendary Scottish rugby half back, Roy Laidlaw, was regularly pinged by the ref for putting the ball in the second row. During a break in play Laidlaw said to the ref “Ref, if I called you a bastard you’d send me off wouldn’t you?” ‘Yes Roy, I’d send you off”. “But if I only think you’re a bastard you wouldn’t send me off for that, would you?” “No Roy, I couldn’t send you off for what you think”. “Well ref, I think you’re a bastard”. Of course he was sent off. The Royal Commission will merely enrich the key players.

It’ll be a shame if the Coalition survives. Proud Little David, backed up by a man who can’t spell caravan, pulled a masterstroke of duplicity and put the old Country Party back in the outfield (where it belongs) just as Elbow was on the ropes after a tardy response to Bondi. It would be entertaining to see them all consigned to the back benches while the Libs field candidates in old Country Party seats at the next election. They might even do better than One Nation, whose support base is demented Victorian boomers now living in sunnier climes. Unless the winner of the Anguish/Hasty stoush doesn’t push them farther to the Right.

While people were dying in the streets of Iran, where was the outcry from the annoying Ms Thunderberg, self-appointed whistle blower on the alleged thieves of her future? Where was the dull, bored voice of Penny Wong, the Gazans’ friend? And the Greens? And the universities? And the usual rent-a-crowd of noisy suspects? Their concern for the rights of Arab people seems bewilderingly selective.

The latest stroke of that silly old sausage, the Donald, is something called ‘Bored to Pieces’. National leaders pay $1.5B to listen to him ramble on about his manifold cunning plans to make the world a better place – like the way he’s fixing America. At the recent business colloquium in Davos two people gave memorable speeches. Canadian PM, Mark Carney, used his allotted time to deliver an oratorical master class for which he received a standing ovation. By contrast Donald Trump, King of the Wild Frontier, endlessly repeated the 32 words he knows and, as old mate Barry Humphries would have put it, got the clap he so richly deserved. Emboldened by the Trump play for Greenland, the ACT’s D’Oyly Carte government is trying on a land grab from Yass Council. The goal is to protect the Territory’s national security, gain access to the Yass reserve of rare earths and stop Russia’s Special Military Operation to annex Gungahlin. Now that Grytpipe-Thynne has called time on his Washington gig, Neddy Seagoon has made Moriarty our new ambassador to the US. Yingtong Iddleye Po. A small mercy - it could have been Eccles.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain restored order and welcomed our guests, Amy and Taylor Miners, progeny of Stephen, formerly known as the Major Miners. That title is now held by his son. It’s a kind of Aparthight. The googly ball went to Little David Proud for picking the absolutely worst time to do an incredibly stupid thing. It was passed to Pete Harrison but he can’t remember why he earned it. So we gave it to Ken Gordon whose drive carried the water over the dam at Frances’ but was trapped by the supposedly heritage-listed wire fence. The dummy spit or, as my old chum Dickens put it, Great Expectorations, was shared by Tim Barter who was prejudicially surprised by his partner’s errant ball and gave in to expletive; and David Bailey who threw his club in frustration. Anyone who can hyperventilate and doesn’t mind getting wet can have it. LD and NTP ball winners were Ken Gordon’s Norwegian alter ego 2, Stephen Miners 2, Deb Gordon, Gerard Ryan and Tim Barter. Winner of the nine hole comp was Steve Lambert 44/17 from Gerard Ryan 39/16 and Pete Harrison 55/12. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Stephen Miners 76/44 from Vicki Still 82/37 OCB from Taylor Miners 84/37. Well done, all players!

Next month is March when we play for the Mad March Hare Medallion. What japes and wheezes as we honour the memory of Lewis Caroll by donning our silly hats and other Wonderland accoutrements. Join us at 12.15pm on Sunday, 1 March at the Wamboin Hall for the 12.30pm start. Meanwhile, the trains in Spain fall over - take the plane.

Larry King, golfer

January Competition Results

Sunday, 4 January. Happy New Year! Will it be as entertaining as last year? Your correspondent certainly hopes not. At least there will be golf to apply balm to the troubled soul – starting with the New Year’s Resolutions Medallion. As always it was a nine hole/three club day in view of the anticipated heat wave. The sun was certainly shining when we kicked off but many finished looking like rodents submerged with extreme prejudice. Our sponsors, L&L King, whom we thank for the eats and prizes, wisely let the Captain decide that the day’s competition was to be determined by handicap – sorry, disability.

Back in the dressing shed, as we changed after the drenching, we discussed the hot news of the day which was, of course, Donald’s Venezuelan Adventure by Enid Blyton. The transparent plot would be obvious even to Enid’s audience: 1. stop the drug boats; 2. pinch the oil; 3. practice run for Greenland. That highly effective peacekeeping body, the Untied Nations, rightly criticized the US actions in capturing the highly-esteemed President Maduro, before retiring to the members’ dining room for another three course meal, satisfied that their duty in keeping the world safe had been done. In defending the raid, Mr Trump said he was ‘deadly serious’ in his determination to bring the dictator to heel. The Deadly Serious Party is obtaining legal advice on breach of trademark.

Your correspondent’s New Year’s resolutions are: 1 I will burn all photos of me with Messrs Epstein, Mountbatten and Trump; 2. I will not say disparaging things about Greens. They are, after all, God’s creatures. I think. 3. I will refund to the Independent all the money I have been paid in the form of family reunification expenses; 4. I will be more supportive of Kendrick Lamaar and those other top notch rappers of the QPR Council ; 5. I will not describe ADHD kids as ‘just thick’; 6. I will not try to understand the ACYC’s offshore racing rules; 7. I will reduce my profile on social media (easy peasy); 8. I will not describe a ‘double fault’ as a ‘net zero’; 9. I will continue to discourage the ABC from arguing from the particular to the general in pushing its banal lifestyle agenda rather than getting on top of hard news.

The Ashes Cricket Tests have been fascinating unless you were holding tickets for days 3 to 5. The ICC is rumoured to be considering future Ashes Tests to be decided by ODI or even T20 formats. Ah, well… As for the pitch prepared for the Boxing Day Test at the MCG, Cricket Australia is counting its losses and planning a series of ‘raves’, rodeos, agricultural shows and car boot sales to help defray costs.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain, still ringing wet, called for silence and introduced our visitors, Jacob Todd and Orson Carte. Ted’s Joke described the difference between a skydiver and a golfer. (The former always hits the fairway.) We gave the googly ball to the BOM for getting the weather right. (If you don’t encourage them they’ll give up altogether.) The dummy spit was taken out by Alex Gordon for blaming a poor performance on following his mother’s advice. LD and NTP ball winners were Ken Gordon 2, Clint Pickin 2, Tony Bond, Tim Barter, Pete Harrison, Robert Thompson, Vicki Still and Dave Hubbard. Winner of the junior comp was Robert Thompson 43/32. Winner of the senior comp was Tony Bond 38/27 from Deb Gordon 47/29 and Pete Harrison in 3rd place on 44/30. Congratulations one and all!

Next month is February. Many of us take the opportunity to eschew alcoholic FLAs for that month, the shortest in the calendar. It’s not for health reasons but simply an exercise in self-denial of the kind practiced by hermits of ancient times wandering in the desert. Join us at the Hall on Sunday, 1 February at 12.15pm to sign in for the Desiccation Pennant which will start at 12.30pm on the dot. Meanwhile, as we commiserate with Australian Jews we can be sure that the abomination at Bondi will not quench the flames of the seven-branched candelabra.

Larry King, golfer

2025

December Competition Results

Sunday, 7 December. The day of the ever-runeth-over Christmas Cup. According to the very expensive BOM it was a mild Summer day in the low twenties, a day for donning our gay Christmas apparel and we did—if you can imagine Christmas in a Disney Munich beer hall. Even the Grinch made an appearance. The day’s sponsor, Matt Hawke, (with the help of Kath and the Hansen clan obstructed by Col Prest) whom we thank for the prizes and refreshments, selected stroke play so we left the tablets in the glove box and took to the very dry course singing songs of a seasonal nature such as “While Shepherds Prayed for Rain by Night”.

Back in the Ops Room, as the Captain counted his fingers, we wished our friends on the Central Coast and elsewhere in our Great Brown Land the best of luck this Summer. Your correspondent is betting a dinner for two at The George that Leader of the Opp, Susssan Ley, has the job until after the next federal election. Anguish Trailer and Hasty Andrew from WA don’t want it till then. They’re Dead Right, as a psephologist might say. They know it’s six years in the wilderness before moderates forget the debacle of 2025 after they followed Mr Dutton down the drain.

Did you catch the CrAP 30 episode of Love Island? Spoiler alert: it’s about thousands of people paid billions of dollars by taxpayers all over the world to attend a junket in Brazil (where the nuts come from). I can’t remember how it ended except that we dodged a bullet by losing to Turkey for hosting CrAP 31. Talking about junkets, what about the gazillions spent by Ms Anika Wells including an all-expenses paid tour of the US to spruik our world-first ban on social media sites perverting our kiddos. We suspect the Feds’attempt to wean kids off social media will be at least as successful as MyWay+, the recent ICT triumph in Canberra.

Two courts have found that the assertions of Senators Penny Wong and Katy Gallagher, that Brittany Higgins received no help from her employer, the former Minister for Defence Linda Reynolds, lacked any substance. Will the ‘Mean Girls’ apologise? Of course not! You and I might occasionally tell a ‘stretcher’ or two to help a story along but spurious claims by senior ministers have sadly become routine. That viscerally-challenged mixed business known as the Coalition has remained silent—no doubt with their own equivocations to hide. This comes in the same year we celebrate the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta—not the one signed (but not honoured) by Bad King John, but the one signed by his son, Henry III, in 1225. We also celebrate the 10th anniversary of the Regional Independent.

Good to see Drew Hutton’s membership of the Greens restored. Maybe the TIQ+ gang is losing its grip on the party. People are now onto Trump’s tactic of deflection. The master of fake news keeps us guessing by following each silly announcement with another even sillier. In Gaza the truce is holding, based on the reduced number of bombings, deaths and so on.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain restored order and introduced our guest Andrew Huggett and welcomed back David Searle after an absence. Lofty Mason sought agreement to increase green fees. After heated debate it was agreed to double them. (They haven’t changed for 20 years.) Ted’s Joke featured a Peartridge in a Par 3. Googly balls went to Steve Harrison for hitting the same rock as last month; Pete Harrison for ‘losing’ his putter which he’d carelessly placed in Steve Lambert’s identical bag; and Steve Miners for standing on a fallen tree to apply the club length rule. Note: you don’t have to be called Steve to play golf. Dummy spitters were David Bailey (handicap change); John Whitney (new green fees); Tim Barter/Vicki Still double act—he missed a birdie by hitting her drink bottle. LD and NTP ball winners were David Bailey 2, Paul Griffin 2, Steve Lambert, Ken Gordon, Matt Hawke and Tim Barter.

Junior comp winner was Emma Hansen 78/33. Nine hole winner was Steve Lambert 43/33 from Gerard Ryan 36/34 and John Whitney 41/35 OCB. 18 hole winner was David Bailey 86/65 from Tim Barter 79/70 OCB from Andrew Huggett 88/70. AI chose your correspondent for best Christmas outfit. Ruth Lambert’s PO Box proposal was approved for presentation to the WCA and Council.

Next month it will be 2026. Join us at the hall at 2.15pm on Sunday, 4 January for the 2.30pm start of the New Year Nine Hole Pennant. If you are reading this after Christmas we hope you had a merry one. All the best for the New Year. Meanwhile my old mate Tom Stoppard has joined the Turf Club. He’s now at rest with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

Larry King, golfer

November Competition Results

Sunday, 2 November. It was the Wamboin Open and all the tried and noted golfers from the regions near and far had mustered at the Hall. The day was sponsored by the Club itself so we thanked ourselves profusely for the prizes and eats lovingly prepared by Joan Mason, Marylou Gorham, Sam Urquhart and Rob Gorham. There were two divisions, Open and Handicap. The kindly weather gods outdid themselves so the company could enjoy a pleasant early Summer round.

Back in the club house, as the Captain pushed the buttons, we checked to see if we’d got it straight. There are three choices. First there’s the two-state solution which is supported by most people except the Knesset and 70 per cent of Palestinians. Second there’s the one-state solution which is opposed by most people except the Knesset and 70 per cent of Palestinians, but there’s an obvious catch. Third is the no-state solution or anarchy which is more or less what we’ve got at the moment. That is not supported by anyone except Iran and its satellites. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to solve the conundrum without introducing additional states. While watching the pictures of the devastated Gaza with my old pal, William Butler Yeats, I heard him sigh and say “That is not a country for old men”. Spot on, W.B. Many people never got the chance to grow old there.

We noted that Trump again waggled a spungey finger at Putin after reneging on his offer to Ukraine of Tomahwk missiles. The deal could be that he is named Czar and gets to build a golf course in Gorky Park. In the meantime we should remember what a ‘deal’ is: you give something to get something. According to Trump Ukraine should give ground to gain peace. This would be what is called a ‘bad deal’.

Lidia Thorpe has done it again. Now she’s threatened to burn down Parliament. Whenever Thorpey hits the headlines I am forcefully reminded of the character created by my old mate Walt Kelly: Strawberry Shortcake, the Baton Rouge Bombshell, whose explosive personal appearances were for the sole purpose of drawing attention to herself.

The Palace has announced that the artist formerly known as Prince will now be called Mister and be kicked out of his 30 room digs. His brother, the artist formerly known as Prince but now known as King is rumoured to be working on a story that Mister’s not really his brother but a love child of the late Queen’s swinging sister, Margaret. That’ll settle it all down. In Australia, Back Bench Barnaby started a run for the door out of the Coalition over the issue of net zero which the Nats trenchantly oppose. Word is the Libs may follow suit to keep the band together. It’s just crazy. Net zero isn’t real. It’s an aspiration. What we do in the attempt to achieve it is the real issue. We need a plan that brings a majority along with us which means a bridging role for fossil fuels. None of our marvelous political outfits has articulated one.

Winners & Grinners

Order was restored by the Captain’s peremptory rapping on his desk. He gracefully thanked the landowners who allow us access to their properties during the year: the Masons, Mustons, French and Lamberts. He welcomed our visitors, Nat Zearo, Gaz Price and Cole Myner. Ted’s joke concerned the inconvenience of medical incidents on the course. The googly ball went to Steve Harrison who struck a rock with his first drive, called a ‘provisional’ and then struck the same rock. The monthly dummy spit was awarded to John Whitney who, against his wife’s better advice, crossed the wrong bridge over Lamberts’ creek and, afterwards, had the gall to declare “first time Lisa’s been right”. The Annual Dummy Spit Award was given to your correspondent for his pains-taking sifting of such monthly transgressions over the year. NTP and LD ball winners were Col Urquhart 2, Rob Gorham, Ken Gordon, Gerard Ryan, Chris Hansen, Neville Schroder and Tony Bond.

The Junior comp was won by Emma Hansen. Winners of the 2025 Eclectic were Tim Barter 18 holes and Pete Harrison 9 holes. In the handicap division the winner of the nine hole comp was Steve Lambert 40/29 OCB from Lisa Whitney 55/29 and Ken Gordon 35/31. The winner of the 18 hole comp was Paul Griffin 87/70 from David Bailey 93/73 and Nev Schroder 85/75. As the kettle drums rolled and hautboys and sackbuts howled, the Captain announced the winners of the Open Division for 2025. The men’s open nine hole champion is Gerard Ryan 33 strokes. The women’s nine hole champion is Kath Hansen 48 strokes. The men’s open 18 hole champion is Tim Barter 76 strokes. Congratulations to all who took part!

Next month we battle it out for the Christmas Cup. Join us at the Hall on Sunday, 7 December at 12.15pm to sign in for the 12.30pm start. Meanwhile, the Feds have written off the $4.1M blown on the new BuM site. And ‘Up Yours’ has won the Cup.

Larry King, golfer

October Competition Results

Sunday, 5 October. The Oktober Stein competition. (Those old leather shorts really chafe!) It was a beautiful day. The air was strong with the aromas of Spring. I recalled the words of my old chum, Heinrich Heine: “Perfumes are the feelings of flowers”. Isn’t that nice? His head wasn’t always in the clouds. He also said “Experience is the best education but the school fees are crippling”. The day was sponsored by Barb, Pete and Steve Harrison whom we thank for the vittles and prizes. After the sponsors declared a Stableford competition we set off around the course treading carefully so as not to hurt the flowers’ feelings.

Back in the aromatherapy room, while the Captain smelled the roses, we studied the runes. Old magazines are creeping back into doctors’ waiting rooms. Your correspondent recently found the following gem in the UK establishment magazine Country Life dated 14 May. It editorialised that “. . . the Australians shattered expectations by triumphantly re-electing Anthony Albanese. He’s not an exciting man, but he has steered his country effectively with a moderation and realism that contrasted strongly with the noisy hectoring of Peter Dutton . . .” WA MP, Hasty Andrew, after noisily hectoring Ms Ley about migrants, hastily resigned from the Oppo’s front bench saying he feels like a stranger in his own home. Perhaps he tried to enter the wrong house after a night out with Barnaby Joyce, the famous bon viveur, or Mrs Hasty is exercising coercive control, or she supports net zero.

The new RSI and Y2K is mental health. Apparently hordes of us are suffering a decline in it. Just about everything can affect it. We can even contract it from each other vicariously (“I feel your pain”). Everyone with a financial interest has climbed aboard demanding enormous public funds be committed. If you’re worried, you can consult a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Psychiatrists believe in theoretical constructs, like the ego and the id, dreamed up by Sigmund Freud from his musings on the couch. Psychologists have a deep root in scientific fact going back to my old pal, Gregor Mendel, the father of genetics.

Identity politics, relentlessly pushed by the ABC, rather spoiled my enjoyment of the World Athletics Championships, particularly the field sports. My admiration for the skill and strength of the athletes was marred by the intrusion of nagging ruminations about whether they were trans, intersex or +. That silly old codger, Robert F Kennedy Jr, thinks that paracetomol is the cause of autism in children. It’s hard to believe he’s the son of the man who, with his brother, negotiated us out of the 1960’s missile crisis, rather than a member of the crazy gang advising the person who wrote ‘The Art of the Dill’.

Gaza is looking shabbier by the minute. I wonder if anyone in Iran has considered the stupidity of the invasion of October 2023 by their running dogs, Hamas. It gave Israel an excuse to annexe the Palestinian territories ‘from the river to the sea’. Now there’s an irony. And I wonder if Netanyahoo and his Acidic supporters in the Knesset have considered what to do with the population when there’s nothing left to bomb. But it’ll be all over soon thanks to the Donald’s brilliant plan. He doesn’t seem to have a cunning plan to get US government officials back to work. This may be a blessing in disguise for other Americans and the rest of the world. Christine Milne, former Australian Greens leader (in the style of Jubilation T Cornpone), is now saying we wouldn’t need big wind farms in NW Tasmania if we had concentrated on rooftop solar all those years ago. She might be right but I don’t recall her saying that at the time. The hunt for Dezi Freeman continues. Old George reckons he’s with Lord Lucan and the crew of the ‘Marie Celeste’.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain, yawning prodigiously from jet lag, called for order and introduced our Irish guests, Con and Kathleen O’Mara. Robbie’s joke involved two umbrellas, one for the forecast. The googly ball went to Vicki Still for a concoction that stretched credulity. The dummy spit was shared by Tim Barter and Neville Schroder for complaints about pine tree felling on Bingley Way: 1. the lack of shade and 2. the reduced challenge. NTP and LD ball winners were Tim Barter 4! Col Urquhart 2, Paul Griffin, Robbie Thompson and Dave Hubbard.

Junior winner was Robbie Thompson with 45 off the stick for 17 Stableford points. Winner of the nine hole comp was sleepy Ken Gordon 39/16 from Vicki Still 54/10. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Tim Barter 71/39 from Paul Griffin 86/34. Tim’s score equalled the course record. Well done Tim. Well done all.

Next month—November, I think—we host the Wamboin Open. Join us at 12.15pm on Sunday, 2 November for the 12.30pm start of the great contest. Meanwhile, the Vicar of Dibley is now the new Archbishop of Canterbury. Go Geraldine!

Larry King, golfer

September Competition Results

Sunday, 7 September. Spring! Are you enjoying the seasonal change? The end of the Winter sports has left your correspondent wondering what that Cooma Alpine Hotel mob were drinking at half-time and if there should be an inquiry. Golf, however, knows no season. We therefore saddled up for the 2025 Spring Trophy sponsored by Joan and Lofty Mason whom we thank for the prizes and eats including Joan’s celebrated Spring Rolls. As a change of pace the sponsors nominated a three sticks par event. Basically, you aim to beat your own par for each hole.

Winners & Grinners

Back in the marquee as the A/g Captain Googled ‘par event’ we discussed other events. Productivity was on our minds in the light of the recent Economic Roundtable. It seems that investment is the key. Land and labour will always be there but you need capital to start the engine of growth. Even Marx knew that. It kick starts production, employment, income, consumption (no, not TB), profits and savings (which are someone else’s investment). Whether the roundtable will produce a visible investment cycle is a hard call. Government can increase corporate and personal disposable income (i.e. investment capital) by reducing taxes, charges and regulation. Or they can spend like hell as they did in the Depression and the GFC. They can’t do that now because of the level of debt. I doubt they admire the spectacular liabilities of Victoria’s centrally-planned economy. When Mr Shorten introduced the NDIS he said it would pay for itself. It hasn’t: apparently no dividends from the ‘insurance’ side. Mr Butler proposes to take the majority of spectrum kids out of it but if ‘Thriving Kids’ sucks up the gains it’ll be a zero sum and a new ‘independent authority’. Or worse. At the last count there were 1,331 federal quangoes alone. Most of them waste our time and money without adding to the greater good while slowing things down and driving us mad filling in forms.

Winners & Grinners

The scales have fallen from my eyes. Everything has become clear. I no longer see Trump as a dim-witted megalomaniac. I now see him as the Mother of all Autocrats, providing a benign balance to the axis of evil autocracies – Russia, China, Iran and North Korea and Victoria. Of course to do this he must first control US institutions such as the Congress, Judiciary, Federal Reserve and all other departments and agencies of state. It’s the price of eventual stability. No wonder Elbow and Mr Marles are relaxed about the strategic alliance and all those Orcas. We’ll soon be under the big star-spangled umbrella with Greenland, Canada and Gaza.

The world gets crazier by the day. A South Australian health official is worried about the impact of miscarriage on the intersex and trans community and demands they receive appropriate counseling and support. This is straight out of The Life of Brian where the ‘Judean Front’ agrees to assert Stan’s right to have babies even though he can’t. Think about it. Does it get crazier? Yes it does. Yemeni Hooters, the lunatic fringe of the macabre theocracy of Iran, incensed by the IDF’s retaliatory bombing, abducted some UN employees—the only remaining group with any sympathy for them. But wait, there’s more! Those old funsters at the NSW Dept of Silly Number Plates thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to flood the market with copies of ACT plates. If Chris is thinking of a turkey shoot he could do worse than start there.

Winners & Grinners

The A/g Captain’s threatened use of the cattle prod restored order. He introduced our guests including Andrew Huggett, a new resident of Wamboin’s best road (or should I say Way), Cal Gooley and Gunnar Dahr. Joan Mason brought along her old friend John Quills for the prize-giving. Ted’s joke featured advice on how to be a winner. The googly ball was bisected and awarded to Vicki Still for hitting a succession of trees, and Pete Harrison for something that took a long time to explain. The dummy spit went to Vicki Still for complaining about hitting lots of trees. She flick-passed it to Paul Griffin and Keith France for various infractions of etiquette and decorum. The encouragement award and juniors comp winner was little Scottie Mason. NTP and LD ball winners were Tim Barter 2, Rob Gorham, Pete Harrison, Samuel Urquhart, Vicki Still, Matt Hawke and Scott Mason. Winner of the nine hole comp was Rob Gorham +2 from runner-up Chris Hansen +1 and Scott Mason -2. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Tim Barter +4 from runner-up Samuel Urquhart +3 and Vicki Still 0. Well done all players.

Next month we compete for the Oktober Stein. Grab your lederhosen and join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 5 October for the 12.30pm schrotflinte. Meanwhile, some more bureaucratic ‘newspeak’ came out of the productivity colloquy: ‘inclusive incrementalism’. It means do nothing, but do it slowly. Yes, of course it’s a non sequitur but it adequately describes Ms Patterson’s next 30 years.

Larry King, golfer

August Competition Results

Sunday, 3 August. An odd month: Winter not yet over; Spring not yet started. But at the R & A Wamboin it’s the spirited competition for the Tradies’ Spirit Level. The day was sponsored by those gentlemen of the skilled trades, Trent Abell, Don Evans and Col Prest whom we thank for the prizes and the post-athletic sustenance. Play was to be judged by strokes adjusted for handicaps. It wasn’t the nicest of days so there was a bit of grumbling as players took to the field.

Back in the dressing shed as the Captain scrutinized the scoreboard, we gazed in wonder at the crazy old world we inhabit. The vacuous Greens have again plumbed the depths of inanity by ‘cancelling’ Drew Hutton, one of the party’s co-founders. His crime? Questioning the primacy of transgender rights in the hierarchy of Greens policy (such as it is). Lest we forget that it was Dr Bob Brown and Mr Hutton and who saved the Franklin River in Tasmania. But that was long ago when greenies were interested in the environment. On the subject of cancelling, the ALP’s Ms Pillbeserk wanted the party to disavow the unlovely Mark Latham as its former parliamentary leader. Elbow was not prepared to allow that absurdity to snap the restraining precepts of logic.

The Donald’s 24 hour fix of the war in Ukraine is now about eight months old. My old buddy, Samuel Beckett, was always skeptical of Trump’s efforts to shirtfront Vladimir, the Russian drone. He thought it’d be like watching Vladimir and Estragon—two tramps sitting around waiting for something to happen. Old George took me to task for heaping praise on Mr Trump for getting NATO countries to spend more on their own defence. He said even an idiot can have a good idea. He was talking about Trump... I hope. And while on that subject, if you don’t like the stats, sack the Statistician and get some new ones. As my old chum, Ted Evans, once said, if you torture a statistic long enough it’ll confess to anything. BTW, I’ve discovered the cosmetic secret to the unique POTUS complexion: marmalade. Your correspondent, a devoted animal rights activist, was most disturbed to read the headline “US and EU Seal Trade Deal”. To the barricades! We must protect those seals. The Federal Court of Appeal will shortly be considering whether ‘sex (i.e. gender) is a binary biological reality’. For most people, including the Lesbian Action Group, it is. Equity Australia, a gay and trans rights advocacy group, says it isn’t. I think they want trans to be admitted to the girls’ dressing sheds. Astoundingly, a lower court has agreed with them. The Coalition teeters on the edge of irrelevancy. Troglodytic members including Senator Antique plus a man who can’t spell ‘caravan’ and James Barnaby Joyce, the famous steam-of-conscious thinker (it comes steaming out without filtration), want them to repudiate the commitment to Net Zero by 2050. Should the Libs agree, we may never hear of them again, considering what we know of the science, the popularity of an emissions target, their lack of appeal to young and women voters and their need to win back lost city seats. Ms Ley seems to have caught the hospital pass. Our Wallabies may or may not have been robbed of the 2nd Test but a poor second half including four scrum penalties in a row didn’t help. They did come good in the Sydney tempest. My tip: Chooks for the grand final.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain restored order by use of the goad. He welcomed our visitors, Jenny Williams and family, Jack and Roxanne Potts, Bok and Lau Choi and Les and Tres Miserables (they didn’t look that happy). Ted’s joke featured a, shall we say, passionate golfer. The googly ball went to Vicki Still who explained tearfully why she was not entitled to the dummy spit this month. Instead, in a dead heat, it was awarded to two non players: Col Urquhart who couldn’t play because he had to chop wood, and Rob Gorham who had to pick up his partner, Mary Lou. Both weak excuses which were not accepted by members present. Encouragement award went to Emma Crafter and the Williams boys. NTP and LD ball winners were Tim Barter 2, Steve Miners, Vicki Still, Ken Gordon, Pete Harrison and Matt Williams.

Winner of the nine hole comp was Chris Hansen 47/30 from Ken Gordon 35/31 and Matt Williams 40/32. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Vicki Still 81/61 (handicapper?) from Tim Barter 71/62 and Steve Miners 83/63. Well played all!

Next month, September, will in fact be Spring, when Nature’s bounty leaps from the fecund earth to dazzle all creatures with the manifold hues of her raiment. Join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday 7 September for the 12.30pm start of the glorious Spring Trophy. And don your coats of many colours.

Larry King, golfer

July Competition Results

Sunday, 6 July. 177.5 days to Christmas. In light of the forecast a depleted but dedicated crowd gathered at the Hall. Some for the EOFY Medallion and some for the Christmas in July Pudding. We cater to all creeds. The day was sponsored by Diana and Paul Griffin whom we thank for the prizes, the sustaining repast and the decision to eschew that finicky Staplefoot scoring for stroke adjusted by handicap. The beautiful Winter’s day, cold but sunny and still, was not to last. By 3pm the season showed its dark, sullen and angry side. Lightning flashed. Thunder roared. Golfers scattered.

Back in the evacuation centre, as the Captain did the sums, we discussed current affairs. Out of interest your correspondent looked up ‘flotilla’. It means a small fleet. Not a lone boat that the RCYC would refuse entry to the Sydney to Hobart, carrying a small irritating Swede and a cargo of baked beans and M&Ms for the hungry Gazans who will continue to go hungry as long as Bibi holds them each personally complicit in the Hamas atrocity of 7 October 2023. Greta and POTUS seem to share a characteristic. Both communicate in repetitive baby-talk of the kind you often hear from the neuro-divergent. Maybe Greta’s a bit higher up the spectrum than Trump who ran away from the G7 rather than shirtfront the mighty Elbow over tariffs and Orcas. Or maybe he wanted to be somewhere safe after ordering the B2s to blow Iran’s underground nuclear facilities to pieces. That should get him the Nobel Piece Prize. One positive thing Trump has done is getting Europe to stop seriously leaning on the US dollar to support NATO. Those same free-riding countries are wasting taxes on full pay for state retirees at age 50. His next target should be the fairly useless UN, a sheltered workshop for failing states, dictatorships, activists and general whingers while succeeding in the accomplishment of little or nothing. Some call it a pressure valve. Open the valve, I say, and let the hot air out!

The NSW Judiciary—whoever that is—has released a “Bench Book” prescribing “cultural safety law” to make it a ‘better experience’ for indigenous people caught up in the legal system. Three things: 1. A better experience may be achieved only by not being caught up in the legal system; 2. What about the rest of us? Shouldn’t a multicultural society be treated equally? 3. The judiciary only applies the law, the parliament makes it. In my youth a bench book sat on the bench in the ‘long drop’ of a country property. It didn’t lose its literary value by having its pages torn out for sanitary purposes. The NSW Judiciary’s bench book should be accorded the same utility. The secretive, shambolic National Anti Corruption Commission strikes again. The unconventionally-managed NACC, which plainly can’t identify conflicts of interest internally, has now cleared everyone involved in allowing a former ministerial employee to trouser $2.4 Very Large, no questions asked. And the ACT’s pathetic version is no better, unable to see a conflict in slipping its departed CEO what smacks of a substantial golden handshake.

The last two things the mendicant state to the South of the mainland needs is another election and an eye-wateringly expensive stadium in which to play that silly ‘four sticks’ game. Tassie’s relative population of snoozers and tree-huggers (93%) won’t turn up to watch, anyway. Great to see the Federal Court restored to Toni La Teef the two days pay ($70k) the ABC short-changed her on. In Tibet the Daily Llama reported that China wants to control the country’s next spiritual leader. Maybe they want a compliant Daily Alpaca. And in Morwell the jury found Omicidio con Funghi.

Winners & Grinners

The Captain called for order and introduced our guests, Matt Williams and Honor and Patrick Matapia. He welcomed home Scott Mason after a long absence and Alex Gordon, AWOL from uni in Wollongong. The googly ball went to everyone who dodged the lighting. Vicki Still took the dummy spit trophy with her to Queensland for safekeeping. But it would have gone to Rob Gorham for noting that, in her absence, we didn’t have to eat that GF muck, thence to Deb Gordon for complaining about Alex’s handicap, and finally to Col Urquhart for something to do with the rain spoiling the coefficient of friction between hand and club. LD and NTP ball winners were Alex Gordon 2, Ken Gordon 2, Glenn Crafter and Col Urquhart. Winner of the nine hole comp was Alex Gordon 45/27 (now I get it) from Steve Harrison 57/29 and Ken Gordon 37/33. Winner of the 18 hole comp was Glenn Crafter 76/66 from Col Urquhart 89/68.

Next month is August, a sort of nondescript month. But you can still join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 3 August for the 12.30 pm start of the End of Winter Pennant. Meanwhile, did you enjoy Elder Abuse Day (15 June)? Your correspondent had a whale of a time shouting rude things at all the codgers in the Riverside Plaza. Enormous fun and so therapeutic!

Larry King, golfer

June Competition Results

Sunday, 1 June. Winter. And as usual Ms Correspondent beat me to the pinch-and-punch. But what a beautiful day to start the chilly season! Players gathered at the Hall to contest the Solstice Pennant. Sadly, your correspondent was not among them. His winter of discontent, as my old chum the Bard would say, was ushered in with a dicky knee. I was thus forced to observe play from Mahogany Ridge. It was, happily, an easy limp to the 19th. The day was sponsored by members of the Urquhart and Crafter clan whom we thank for the prizes and a spread to which mere words fail to do justice. Play was determined by strokes adjusted for handicap.

Back in the cocoon of the dear old Hall, as the captain consulted Deep Thought, we reviewed, inter alia, the aftermath of the great franchise. First the Coalition lost the election then they lost the plot—at least the Country kids did. Feeling his oats after beating someone who can’t spell ‘caravan’ for the leadership, Little David Proud made new Libs leader, Sussan Ley, an offer she could refuse (and did). We settled back eagerly anticipating the clash of the dinosaurs but it didn’t happen. The Libs accepted ‘in principle’ four things I can’t remember but the Nats think very important. For ‘in principle’ read ‘maybe one day perhaps’. Member for the ACT seat of Bean, Howard Hughes MP, narrowly retained his seat and will presumably go back into diapause until the next election.

We all know why we’ll be hit with electricity cost increases of around 8% when the CPI is comfortably within the RBA’s 2–3% range—it’s because power isn’t in the CPI ‘basket of goods’. Insurance is, but because it’s a cross-subsidy—policy holders cover each other—the underwriters set premiums on their assessment of the risk, e.g.the expected cost of the recent floods. You might think they’re tickling us but you’ll never prove it. Energy should be easier to price. But it seems that governments didn’t plan for an orderly transition to renewables: they let all our gas be sold to foreigners. So the AEMO (an oxymoron if ever there was one) isn’t playing with a full hand.

What do you think of those crafty Ukrainians remotely ‘dismantling’ forty of Russia’s big Tupolev long range bombers? Using, it seems, the protocol established by Putin himself—agree to a cease fire then break it—the drones did their work while Pootey was dithering with something else. The worry is what he’ll do now.

Who’d be Marcia Langton? Intelligent, knowledgeable, articulate, practical. Yet she continues to be hammered from all sides. There are the commercial interests with eyes on native title lands in remote areas and the bigots who just don’t like blackfellas. But the unkindest cut must be the crazy mob of divisive indigenous activists like Blak Sovereign Movement. A report to the NT government suggested that the former commissioner of the NT ICAC “had a thing for pretty girls”. Hmmm. We wondered what it was.

Have you got your tickets for the Wamboin Fireball (19 July, celebrating 40 years since the big fire)? Some of us wanted to call it the Wamboin Gala but that was vetoed on the grounds that it might be confused with the end-of-season dinner of the Googong Galahs RLC (Up the Pink and Grey!) scheduled for the same night.

Winners & Grinners

The captain restored order with threats of deportation to El Salvador. He welcomed Hansen family patriarch, Kai Hansen, visiting from Narooma. Ted’s Joke was about cursing on the golf course—amusing but not applicable to Wamboin golfers. The googly ball went to Tim Barter for a drive off Keith’s Dam Hole which featured the intervention of a rock (in Wamboin?). The dummy spitters were Tim for another encounter with a rock (he must carry them with him) and Rob Gorham for perniciously erasing Pete Harrison’s name from the Long Drive marker (tsk, tsk, putrid bad form). It was then passed on to Vicki Still for safe keeping.

LD and NTP ball winners were Col Urquhart 3, Ken Gordon 2, Tim Barter 2, Vicki Still and Cam Hansen. No juniors comp this month but we understand young Robbie Thompson is doing very well in open tournaments around the country. Winner of the nine hole comp was Cam Hansen 43/29 from Rob Gorham 42/32 and Ken Gordon 37/33. Out of a wide field came the winner of the hotly contested 18 hole comp, Paul Griffin 85/68, from Tim Barter 78/69 and Vicki Still 89/69. Well done, golfers all!

Next month, July, join us for the EOFY Medallion kicking off at the Hall at 12.15pm (sign in) on Sunday, 6 July for the 12.30pm cannon. Meanwhile, those of us who think the accused in the beef wellington case is as guilty as hell should heed the words of my old buddy Aristotle, translated by a Roman lawyer as ‘in dubio pro reo’. It is the basis of the Criminal Law.

Larry King, intermittent golfer

May Competition Results

Thunday, May the fourth go with you. What a beautiful day it was! Temperate and sunny with a zephyr wafting the bouquet of Autumn and its falling leaves around the course. Normally we would be playing for Ye Olde Merrie Monthe of Maye Trophye. Instead we brought forward the GST Memorial Handicap, sponsored by Keith France and Kathy Handel (whom we thank for the prizes and refreshments) in view of their imminent trek North. The rules of the day’s play, an Ambrose event for teams of two, were simple. At the end of 9 or 18 holes the team’s total strokes are tallied. The team handicap is then deducted from the gross score. It is calculated thus: both players’ usual handicaps are summed and divided by 2 or 4 depending on the comp contested. That figure is increased by 10% (the GST factor). The product is then increased by a further 10% (the US tariff factor). That number is then deducted from the team’s gross score. Got it? Scratching our heads we took to the field.

Back amongst the corflutes, as the captain pressed the buttons, the election didn’t exactly dominate conversation. Labor’s remarkable win took second place to the Drivel Fest of the various campaigns. As my old buddy, Al Capp said: “As long as no one knows where no one stands, the country’s in the very best of hands”. No one really felt sorry for the Libs who were unable to convince sufficient voters that they‘d done enough since 2022 to deserve another crack. Your correspondent was thrilled by the early news that the Greens might be wiped off the board. Alas, it was not to be but I am encouraged by their declining vote to observe that Ys, Zs and Millennials have not fallen for their nonsense. But it’s all over now, and our Kristy has retained the Holden Monaro. Ms Van Der Hum may be a metre or two off the pace since her victory in the 1976 Melbourne Cup. Note: you could house the homeless under her corflutes. I think we can forget the Coalition for the next six years at least—three to get rid of the dross (if they can), another three to rebuild the moderate core. The Liberals were never a ‘Conservative Party’: Chifley saw the light on the hill but Menzies fostered his welfare state. Big business also has to rediscover the old so-called Christian Capitalist Ethic (update for other faiths): I am my brother’s keeper.

The ASX200 seems now to be mostly run by no-good, lousy sons and daughters of bachelors. There are, of course, honourable exceptions. Elbow can help by stamping on union excess. The Pope’s funeral reaffirmed your correspondent’s determination to limit the hoards at his own send off. A $100 entrance fee should keep out the riff raff. It also induced solemn thoughts about the inexorable passage of time. I recalled the words of old mate, Clive James: “The eternal is going on right there in front of you, but to contemplate it too long must reinforce the message that one day it will be going on without you”. My good friend, Steve Lambert, has a T shirt which puts it more succinctly: “Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.” Both could invite pessimism but, instead, they encourage me to carry on as usual: to live for the moment, not in a hedonistic sense but as an Existentialist, like another old chum, Jean-Paul Sartre. At that point I popped the Stelvin on the second bottle.

Winners & Grinners

The captain established order and introduced our guests, Jim and Pamela Nasium. Ted’s Joke was about a man unnaturally obsessed with golf. The googly ball was first awarded to Deb Gordon whose drive came straight back having hit a rock (in Wamboin? Most unusual). Pete Harrison’s apocryphal story of his and Steve Lambert’s drives finding the middle of the fairway was ignored. The dummy spit went to Vicki Still on the tenuous ground that she was too ill to play. Yes, we are a sensitive lot. The encouragement award went to the youthful Emma Hansen.

The nine hole comp was won by the team of Pete Harrison and Steve Lambert with a score after handicap of 26.0425 (no, I am not making this up) from 33 off the stick. Runners-up were Ken Gordon and Gerard Ryan 30/27.3 from Deb Gordon and Ken Gridiron 35/28.95. Winners of the 18 hole comp were Nev Schroder and Col Urquhart 69/60.2275 from Paul Griffin and Stephen Miners 74/62.8075 and Tim Barter and ‘Sicki’ Still 74/65.2275. Well played one and all!

Next month, i.e. viz and to whit, June, we contest the Solstice Pennant. Why not join us at the Hall at 12.15pm on Sunday, 1 June for the prompt 12.30pm start? Meanwhile, we pay our respects to the retiring Antony Green, a psephologist’s psephplogist. And now we can all go back to watching the new SBS crime series, Omicidio Con Funghi.

Larry King, golfer